Mini vs. Hummer

I found this story while googling chains for our Mini Cooper.

Quick story: On my way home last winter, uphill, a Hummer H2 had spun into the ditch and the woman driving couldn't get it unstuck. I stopped, and gave her the winter driving tip that allowed the 4wd system to pull itself out (when stuck, turn the front wheels slightly this way and that, and apply the throttle slowly). We worked the vehicle out, got her safe, and talked about a few winter driving tips. It was a very productive, positive conversation, until she noticed my Really Little car, just uphill from her. ON the roda, not in the ditch.

Her: "You got up the hill in that??!"
Me: "Yes."
Her: "Does it have 4 wheel drive?"
Me: "No, just front drive, but with good snow tires" (and a little finesse, my Little Inside Voice said).
Her: (gritting teeth) "...and My Husband Makes Me Drive This Monster In Winter???!?"

I was glad I wasn't him. She smiled as I slipped the clutch, waved, and drove off...

Fwd: [nebc] Thanks NEBC road tips for music video

check out this music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTfB6EcJMp8

It was made by a member of my bike club, NEBC.
I like the song, but my favorite thing was seeing all the familiar Boston landmarks:

• the little road next to the lake (at 10 seconds) is on a "shortcut" Jay and I take while biking (Mill St & Lincoln St in Lexington)
• Charles River
• Salt & Pepper bridge - when I worked in Boston I bike commuted over that bridge every day
• Fanueil Hall
• On my weekend rides out past Hanscom, we often return by taking the Mill St / Lincoln St longcut to avoid traffic and go past that lake.

On Thu, Dec 11, 2008 at 6:15 PM, David Smith <DavidSheila@comcast.net> wrote:

I just want to say a BIG BIG thanks to all the NEBC club members that recommended a nice quiet road
for the bicycle music video that I did

KATRIN the singer really appreciated the road (She plays a mean acoustic guitar by the way)

I checked out all the leads from the club and ended up on Lincoln Street, near the water - it looks so great in the video
 (It's in Lexington right - hell, I didn't even know where I was).

Sad to be so close to home and lost.  I can't tell you how helpful all those road leads were

It was perfect, and we only saw about 10 cars in 3 hours on a Sunday morning!   Able to get all the close ups and "action" shots with no problems

Thanks to all those that wrote me an e-mail and I appreciated the time spent

Bares, Tetrault, Preneta, McMaster, Evans, Turer, Rowell, Chiu, Martin, Laupheimer, Shan Smith, Greenberg

You'll see some of the bike stuff about 30 seconds into the video and it continues until the end on and off
(I know, I know,  she doesn't have a helmet and she is wearing cowboy boots, but this is entertainment so try and pretend your in LA
where there are no rules)

In this clip you can see Lincoln Street and the water.  Heck, it looks like Kentucky!

I shoot all my music videos alone and without a crew, so I do it all, a tough thing to do.  I had a driver for some of the bike shots and that's it

By the way, the 3 speed in this music video, I found it in the trash, it was in almost perfect condition


Remember to press on Watch High Quality when on YouTube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTfB6EcJMp8




Thanks again!

David Smith


www.skyjamvideos.com


_______________________________________________
nebc mailing list
nebc@mailman.connactivity.com
http://mailman.northeastbicycleclub.org/mailman/listinfo/nebc

Happy Holidays, 2008

Julie and I decorated a couple of plain evergreen wreaths to hang on our front stairs. Not bad, if I do say so myself.

Alexa's friend Corrine joined us for Thanksgiving. Her parents grew up in China. She was born in Paris and lived most of her life in Montreal. So this was her first classic American Thanksgiving dinner with turkey, stuffing, cranberries, and mashed potatoes.
Alexa and Corrine. They met backpacking in Maine during Harvard's Freshman Outdoor Program the week before starting college.
Quite a spread.
I blame the photographer.
Cheers!

Michael and Nick with their instructor Dave at The Real School of Music.We heard Greg Hawkes, the keyboardist for the Cars, play at The Real School of Music with four of the instructors, including Michael and Nicholas' instructor Dave.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, we all went to Charlie Wu's vacation house in Maine. This photo is of all the kids.
...and now the adults.
Alexa and Corrine decorating the Christmas tree Thanksgiving weekend.
Michael had some friends over before The Soccer Ball, one of the biggest social events at the high school. Michael went with Dana (the taller girl in the photo). Dana's father and mother are another Harvard-Wellesley couple.

Nicholas is practicing stacking things.
Nick is also experimenting with keystone arches.
It snowed today, Dec 7. ChiChi and I went for a mountain bike ride / dog walk over at Horn Pond.
Merry Christmas!

Monocycle

This Monocycle looks a lot like Garrison's invention in South Park's episode, The Entity.
Here's the Wiki description:

Garrison's "IT" is a rip on the nickname of the famous Segway PT. Garrison's "IT" can go up to two hundred miles per hour, gets three hundred miles to the gallon, and is an all-around better mode of travel. The only problem is that it is controlled by an uncomfortable method.

You can see just how uncomfortable in this video with 8:30 to go.
--pws

21st Century Monocycle by Ben Wilson

by Mike Chino

Are traditional bikes a bit too pedestrian for you? Ben Wilson recently unveiled a sleek monocycle at this year's XXIst Century Man Exhibition in Tokyo. Wilson's pedal-powered prototype one-ups those tendentious "bi-cycles" with a single center-seated wheel. The elegant nimbus may not provide for the smoothest ride, but it more than makes up for it via its pure awesome appeal.

Rock and Roll

I'm sitting here listening to a Rolling Stones LP.  Michael is a big 70's music fan.  He was intrigued by the crates of records up in the attic, so I've been promising him for years that I'd get our old turntable fixed up so he could listen to our classic rock.

So today we picked up the turntable from Audio Lab and set it up.  He was totally in to it for about half an hour then got bored and wondered off, but I'm really enjoying listening to the old music and hearing the occasional pop or crackle.

Julie is a bit disgusted that I spent $215 fixing up antique technology.  I told her the guy at Audio Lab says this turntable is worth $1500 now.  She said, "Great, sell it and use the money to buy an HD-TV."

Back in the Saddle Again

My plan was to ride lots of miles this summer and I started out strong in the spring.  By mid-June I had completed the 100K and 200K of the Boston Brevet Series and completed the 150-mile Harpoon Brewery-to-Brewery ride from Boston to Windsor, VT.  But I missed the 300K brevet because I hit an SUV on my bike a couple of days before the ride.  Then I missed the 400K and 600K brevets because I was on vacation during those rides.  With Jay focusing on a new job our Sunday morning rides became sporadic (though we did have an excellent ride in the fog to Ipswich), and I basically stopped riding for most of the summer.

But now I'm back in the saddle again (or if that's too old school, check out Aerosmith's version).

Last weekend, I rode the Five Notches Ride in NH with the Rippers.  It may be due to my lack of fitness, but I thought this was the hardest ride I've ever done.  We rode over 5 mountain passes in 93 miles.  Actually, since I made a wrong turn just a couple miles from the finish, I ended having to ride an extra 6 miles up an extra mountain.  Although I was exhausted, it was a fun weekend.  A group of 15 of us went up Friday night and stayed in a couple ski houses owned by Rippers.  It poured rain all day Friday and was raining at breakfast Saturday morning.  The rain stopped before we started riding and didn't start again until dinner time when we were safely back inside.  The trees were in full color and the reds, oranges, and yellows of the maple trees contrasted beautifully with the white clouds and green pines.  The Rippers are a great group to ride and socialize with, but the ride fast and really put the hurt on me.

Today I had another fun ride with HUCA, the Harvard University Cycling Association.  The Harvard-to-Harvard ride is a 75-mile fund raiser that starts at Harvard University, rides through Concord and out to the town of Harvard, before returning to campus.  The university race team provided ride leaders and sweepers to make sure no one got lost.  Forty or fifty riders started together, but I did most of the ride with a group of about 8, including Anna McLoon and Shane from HUCA.  Anna races for Harvard during the school year and for Colavita during the summer and knows a couple of the Rippers (Ed Sassler was her first coach, and Kristen Gohr also races with Colavita).  For a few miles I rode with Garth McCavana, the Associate Dean for Student Affairs for the Faculty of Arts and Sciences at Harvard.  The hills in the Greater Boston area were almost easy after struggling through the mountains of New Hampshire the week before.

The good times kept rolling as I got back to Winchester to watch Nick's soccer team win 4-0. Then =Sam and Mabel came over to watch the Patriots beat the Forty-Niners.  The day will be perfect if the Red Sox can come back and beat the Angels to sweep the first round of the playoffs.

Re: Harvard 25 - Holy Cross 24

Pizzotti, Harvard rally past Crusaders

• The first Friday night game at Harvard Stadium attracted a crowd of 20,462, and senior quarterback Chris Pizzotti sent the spectators into the night buzzing, throwing for 370 yards as the Crimson roared back with 19 fourth-quarter points to beat Holy Cross, 25-24.
• it wasn't until he scored on his second 1-yard touchdown run in less than five minutes, with 1:42 remaining, that the Crimson (1-0) went ahead.
• Holy Cross led, 17-6, to start the fourth quarter and was poised to increase its lead when Harvard's Eric Schultz dumped Crusaders quarterback Dominic Randolph for a 9-yard loss, forcing a fumble. Schultz recovered.
• On the ensuing drive, Pizzotti floated a pass to Marco Iannuzzi (11 catches, 174 yards), who hauled it in at the 31 and outran a pair of Holy Cross defenders for the 68-yard score. The 2-point conversion failed, but Holy Cross was reeling.

Harvard cornerback Andrew Berry is too good to be true.

• The Crimson senior was named a preseason All-American by The Sports Network on the heels of his selection last year to the All-Ivy first team and ESPN The Magazine's Academic All-America first team.
  
• He started every game in Harvard's 8-2 Ivy championship season, and went four straight without having a ball thrown against him in one-on-one coverage.
  
• He ranked fourth on the team in passes defended (nine) with an interception and a forced fumble.
• He's got a twin brother, Adam, who is a wide receiver for Princeton, but he's never let Adam catch a pass against him.
• He's got smarts, too. He is a top student, concentrating in economics but also becoming so accomplished in computer science that in his junior year, he became a teaching fellow for the introductory course he took as a freshman.
  
• He's involved in the community, tutoring at Cambridge Rindge and Latin High School and participating in campus Christian groups, and, said Harvard coach Tim Murphy, "There's not a phony bone in his body."
• Holy Cross, the Crusaders took a 31-28 victory last year, connecting for a 40-yard touchdown pass with 19 seconds remaining.
• Murphy, whose defense ranked in the nation's top five in five categories last season. "In my mind, he may be the best defensive back in the country.

On Fri, Sep 19, 2008 at 11:50 PM, Phillip Stern <phillip.stern@gmail.com> wrote:

The boys and I watched Harvard come back to beat Holy Cross 25-24 with a last minute touchdown.
It was perfect football weather and fun to watch under the new lights at the stadium.  It was quite crowded with 22,000 in attendance.

Harvard 25 - Holy Cross 24

The boys and I watched Harvard come back to beat Holy Cross 25-24 with a last minute touchdown.
It was perfect football weather and fun to watch under the new lights at the stadium.  It was quite crowded with 22,000 in attendance.

The boys got in free as guests of Alexa and her roommate Pamela.  They were just coming from a dinner at Quincy House with the Half Asian Club (HAPA).
I've asked many times but no one knows what the  P stands for.  It was funny because Alexa introduced her friends as, "This is Pamela; she's half Japanese.  This is Crystal; she's half Korean.  This is James; he's half Vietnamese."  I wondered if the Half Asian Club had gang fights with the All Asian Club. 
By the way James father (Guy Fish) was class of '81 and lived in Quincy House for a year before moving to the Quad.  Since we walked in with Alexa and her friends, I figured we would watch the game with them.  But Alexa very diplomatically asked where we were sitting and said she'd come say hi at halftime.  I got the clue and we went and sat with the old alumni at the 50, while she sat with the current college crowd near the band.

Nick met a bunch of his friends at the game (one dad is a fellow alumn, the other is a prof) and they ran around in the empty seats in the end zone while Harvard stunk up the first half, getting intercepted a couple of times and falling two touchdowns behind.
But he came they all came and watched with us during the 4th quarter while Harvard scored twice to win the game and then put in a tough defense to shut down Holy Cross and run the clock out.
We stuck around after the game to listen to the Harvard Band and one of the coaches tossed a game ball to Nick up in the stands.  Nick was really psyched, holding the ball over his head, yelling "I got one! I got one!"

By the way Larry, we watched the cheerleaders for awhile and I told Michael you were a cheerleader.  He was surprised because he knows you were a big jock swimmer and thought the cheerleading was a bit lame.  He wondered why you wanted to be a cheerleader and I suggested maybe it fun, but he wasn't convinced.  So then I got to wondering, why did you join the cheerleading squad?  How many years did you cheer?  Was it fun?  Did you get a varsity cheerleading letter?  Does Harvard give varsity letters?  You must have a bunch from swimming.  Are you in some Varsity Club?  Inquiring minds want to know.

fun with sticky notes

Watch how to have fun with sticky notes.

You may remember the Diet Coke and Mentos experiment from EeepyBird.  The sticky notes experiments are even cooler.

Re: Authentic Happiness

Excuse me if I sound like a proselytizer, but I just finished Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman for tonight's book club meeting.

I first learned about this book and Positive Psychology at my 25th college reunion in June, and was intrigued by the idea of better health through being happy. (Caroline Adams Miller, one of the first coaches in the world to gain the Masters in Applied Positive Psychology credential from the University of Pennsylvania, spoke of the importance of happiness.)

Of course some of you may remember that even a couple of years ago I was encouraging people to laugh loud and hard (even fake laughs) to improve health.

So I was excited to read this book on Authentic Happiness.  It has some interesting ideas, but also lots of chaff to pad out the 260 pages of text.
Rather than encourage you to read the book, I am attaching my notes from the book that extract what I thought were the most salient points.

• I especially direct Bob to read the section "why are lawyers so unhappy?"
• I thought Paul would be interested in the section "NonZero by Robert Wright."  I summarized Seligman's summary of Wright's book.
• Martin also had advice about raising children, but I didn't take many notes since ours are all teens now.  If interested, see the book pages 208 to 246.
• Some of you may be amused or insulted by "Seligman's reconciliation of theology and science."

As for me, I am going to try to incorporate several suggestions from the Authentic Happiness:

• practice gratitude and forgiveness
• emphasize the use of my personal strengths at work and at home
• admire the personal strengths of my loved ones
• practice "Responsive and Attentive Listening" and break my habit of "talk and wait"

My goal for now is to move from a "pleasant life" to a "good life."  Later I may work on a "meaningful life" which would give me the "full life" trifecta.

Don't worry.  Be Happy!
Phillip

 

Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman

Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fullfillment

 

Preview the book in online at Google Books

Authentic Happiness web site: AuthenticHappiness.com

 

p 50 – happiness quiz – correct answer (my guess)

1. % Americans clinically depressed? –8-18% (15%)
2. % life satisfaction above neutral? –83% (50%)
3. %mental patients positive emotional balance? –57% (20%)
4. reports negative emotional balance:
• poor African-americans – no (yes)
• unemployed men – no (yes)
• elderly people – no (no)
• severely multiply handicapped people – no (yes)

 

p 74 – gratitude exercises

1)      Select one important person from your past who has made a major positive difference in your life and to whom you have never fully expressed your thanks.  Write a testimonial just long enough to cover one laminated page.  Take your time composing this (e.g., weeks).  Invite that person to your home, or travel to that person's home.  It is important you do this face to face, not just in writing or on the phone.  Do not tell the person the purpose of the visit in advance; a simple "I just want to see you" will suffice.   Bring a laminated version of your testimonial with you as a gift.  When all settles down, read your testimonial aloud slowly, with expression and with eye contact.  Then let the other person react unhurriedly.  Reminisce together about the concrete events that make this person so important to you.  (If you are so moved, please do send a copy to Seligman@psych.upenn.edu.)

2)      If you scored in the lower half of either the gratitude or the life satisfaction test, this second exercise is for you.  Set aside five free minutes each niht for the next two weeks, preferably right before bed.  Before the first night take the Satisfaction with Life Scale and the General Happiness Scale.  Then think back over the previous 24 hours and write down, on separate lines, up to five things in your life you are grateful or thankful for.  Repeat the two scales on the final night, wtwo weeks after you start, and compare your scores to the first night's scores.  If this worked for you, incorporate it into your nightly routine.

 

p 117 – flow: building psychological capital

• Given all the benefits and the flow that the gratifications produce, it is very puzzling that we often choose pleasure (and work, displeasure) over gratification.  In the nightly choice between reading a good book and watching a sitcom on television, we often choose the latter—although surveys show again and again that the average mood while watching sitcoms on television is mild depression.  Habitually choosing the easy pleasures over the gratifications may have untoward consequences.

 

p 118 – shortcuts lead to depression

• I have theorized that an ethos that builds unwarranted self-esteem, espouses victimology, and encourages rampant individualism has contributed to the [depression] epidemic, but I will not belabor this speculation here.  There is another factor that looms as a cause of the epidemic: the over-reliance on shortcuts to happiness.  Every wealthy nation creates more and more shortcuts to pleasure: television, drugs, shopping, loveless sex, spectator sports, and chocolate to name just a few.
• The pleasures come easily, and the gratifications (which result from the exercise of personal strengths) are hard-won.  A determination to identify and develop these strengths is therefore the great buffer against depression.

 

p 120 – how to increase pleasures (and positive emotions) in your life

• gratitude, forgiveness, and escaping the tyranny  of determinism to increase positive emotions about the past;
• learning hope and optimism through disputing to increase positive emotions about the future;
• breaking habituation, savoring, and mindfulness to increase the pleasures of the present.

 

When an entire lifetime is taken up in the pursuit of the positive emotions, however, authenticity and meaning are nowhere to be found.

 

p 129 – science should be descriptive, not prescriptive

• being optimistic brings about less depression, better physical health, and higher achievement, at a cost perhaps of less realism.

 

p 133 – six virtues (from across 3000 years and the entire face of the earth)

• wisdom and knowledge
• courage
• love and humanity
• justice
• temperance
• spirituality and transcendence

 

p 134 – talents and strengths

• strengths are moral traits, while talents are nonmoral.
• talents generally are not as buildable as strengths.

 

p 160 – signature strengths (ranked by results of my survey answers)

1. Love of learning - You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.
2. Curiosity and interest in the world - You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.
3. Fairness, equity, and justice - Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.
4. Gratitude - You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.
5. Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness - You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.
6. Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness - Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.
7. Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty - You excel as a member of a group. You are a loyal and dedicated teammate, you always do your share, and you work hard for the success of your group.
8. Industry, diligence, and perseverance - You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you "get it out the door" in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.
9. Bravery and valor - You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.
10. Capacity to love and be loved - You value close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most close are the same people who feel most close to you.
11. Leadership - You excel at the tasks of leadership: encouraging a group to get things done and preserving harmony within the group by making everyone feel included. You do a good job organizing activities and seeing that they happen.
12. Zest, enthusiasm, and energy - Regardless of what you do, you approach it with excitement and energy. You never do anything halfway or halfheartedly. For you, life is an adventure.
13. Forgiveness and mercy - You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge.
14. Caution, prudence, and discretion - You are a careful person, and your choices are consistently prudent ones. You do not say or do things that you might later regret.
15. Humor and playfulness - You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.
16. Appreciation of beauty and excellence - You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.
17. Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness - You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.
18. Kindness and generosity - You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well.
19. Social intelligence - You are aware of the motives and feelings of other people. You know what to do to fit in to different social situations, and you know what to do to put others at ease.
20. Self-control and self-regulation - You self-consciously regulate what you feel and what you do. You are a disciplined person. You are in control of your appetites and your emotions, not vice versa.
21. Perspective (wisdom) - Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself.
22. Creativity, ingenuity, and originality - Thinking of new ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible.
23. Modesty and humility - You do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You do not regard yourself as special, and others recognize and value your modesty.
24. Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith - You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you.

 

p 177 – why are lawyers so unhappy?

Lawyers long ago surpassed doctors as the highest-paid professionals.   In addition to being disenchanted, lawyers are in remarkably poor mental health,… suffering depression at a rate 3.6 times higher than employed persons generally… they are disproportionately unhappy and unhealthy.

Three causes:

1)      Pessimism.  Pessimists do better at law.  In law school, higher grades and law review achievement.  Pessimism=prudence is a plus among lawyers, enabling them to see every conceivable snare and catastrophe that might occur in a transaction.  Unfortunately, a trait that makes you good at your profession does not always make you a happy human being.

2)      Low decision latitude.  A study found high job demands coupled with low decision latitude was particularly inimical to health and morale.  Young lawyers often fall into this quadrant.

3)      win-loss game.  The adversarial process lies at the heart of the American system of law because it is thought to be the royal road to truth, but it does embody the classic win-loss game.  Lawyers are trained to be aggressive, judgmental, intellectual, analytical and emotionally detached.  This produces predictable emotional consequences: he/she will be depressed, anxious, and angry a lot of the time.

 

p 188 – Marriage

• Humans are born big-brained and immature, a state that necessitates a vast amount of learning from parents.  This advantage only works with the addition of pair-bonding.  Immature, dependent offspring who have parents that stick around to protect and mentor them do much better than their cousins whose parents abandon them.  Those of our ancestors, therefore, who were inclined to make a deep commitment to each other were more likely to have viable children and thereby pass on  their genes.  Thus marriage was "invented" by natural selection, not by culture.
• The children of couples who are married and stay married do better by every known criterion than the children of all other arrangements…  Among the most surprising outcomes (beyond better grades and lack of depression) are the findings that the children of stable marriages mature more slowly in sexual terms, they have more positive attitudes to potential mates, and are more interested in long-term relationships than are the children of divorce.

 

p 193 – secure people

• Memories: Secure adults remember their parents as available, as warm, and as affectionate.
• Attitudes: Secure adults have high self-esteem and few self-doubts.  Other people like them, and they regard other people as trustworthy, reliable, good-hearted, and helpful until sad experience proves otherwise.
• Goals: Secure people strive for intimate relations with those they love and try to find a good balance of dependence and independence.
• Managing distress: Secure people admit it when they are upset, and they try to use their distress to achieve constructive ends.

 

p 197 – 5 hours per week to improve your marriage

• Partings. Before these couples say goodbye every morning, they find out one thing that each is going to do that day.  (2 min x 5 days = 10 min)
• Reunions.  At the end of each workday, these couples havae a low-stress reunion conversation.  (20 min x 5 = 1:40)
• Affection.  Touching, grabbing, holding, and kissing—all laced with tenderness and forgiveness. (5m x 7 = :35)
• One weekly date.  Just the two of you in a relaxed atmosphere, updating your love.  (2 hrs once a week)
• Admiration and appreciation.  Every day, genuine affection and appreciation is given at least once.  (5m x 7 = :35)

 

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman and Nan Silver presents a series of exercises for fanning the embers of fondness and admiration for strengths into a steadier glow.

 

p 198 – Your Partner's Strengths

• Choose three of the 24 signature strengths that your partner has.  For each strength write down a recent admirable incident in which s/he displayed this strength.  Let your partner read what you wrote and ask him/her to do the same for you.

• Strength 1:
• Incident:
• Strength 2:
• Incident:
• Strength 3:
• Incident:

 

p 200 – Hold on to your Illusions

• [Romantic illusion is] the discrepancy [in a positive direction] between what your partner believes about your strengths and what your friends believe.
• The bigger the illusion, the happier and more stable the relationship.  Satisfied couples see virtues in their partners that are not seen at all by their closest friends.
• The happiest couples look on the bright side of the relationship, focusing on strengths rather than weaknesses, and believing that bad events that might threaten other couples do not affect them.  Positive illusions are self-fulfilling because the idealized partners actually try to live up to them.  They are a daily buffer against hassles, since partners forgive each other more easily for the wearying transgressions of daily life and use the alchemy of illusions to downplay faults and elevate shortcomings into strengths.
• These happy couples are nimble users of the important "yes, but…" technique [of finding something good in a partner's weakness.]
• Such nimbleness of emotion is related to optimistic explanations in marriage.  Optimistic people make temporary and specific explanations for bad events, and they make permanent and pervasive explanations for good events.

 

p 202 – The upshot of this is straightforward:  Optimism helps marriage.

• When your partner does something that displeases you, try hard to find a credible temporary and local explanation for it.  When your partner does something admirable, amplify it with plausible explanations that are permanent (always) and pervasive (character traits).

 

p 203 – Responsive and Attentive Listening can make a good marriage better

• The overarching principle of good listening is validation.  The speaker first wants to know that he has been understood.  If possible, he additionally wants to know that the listener agrees or is at least sympathetic.  You should go far out of your way to validate what your spouse is saying; the more serious the issue, the clearer your validation must be.  Save disagreeing for when it is your turn to speak.
• External factors (e.g., tv on) should be eliminated.  There are also common internal factors that make you inattentive (e.g., fatigue, thinking about something else, being bored, and preparing your rebuttal).

 

p 204 – speaker-listener ritual

• When you find yourself talking about a hot-button issue, label it:  "This is one of my hot-button issues, so let's use the speaker-listener ritual."  (Only speak when you have the talking stick.)  Talk about your own thoughts and feelings, not about your interpretation of perception of what your partner is thinking and feeling.  Use "I" as much as possible, rather than "you."  Stop often and let the listener paraphrase.
• When you are the listener, paraphrase what you heard when you are asked to do so.  Don't rebut, and don't offer solutions.  Your job is only to show you understood what you heard.  You will get a chance to rebut when you are handed the [talking stick].

 

p 206 – Two principles for making good love better

• attention and irreplaceability.
• You must not scrimp on the attention you pay to the person you love.  The listening and speaking skills I discussed will help with the quality of attention you pay to each other. 
• By making attention more affectionate, going out of your way to admire the strengths of your mate will also improve the quality of attention. 
• But the quantity is crucial.  I am not a believer in the convenient notion of "quality time" when it comes to love.  Of the people whom we love and who love us, we ask not only how well do they listen, but how often do they listen.  When they allow the pressures of the office, of school, or of the unending panoply of external hassles to intrude on and displace the attention they offer us, love cannot but be diluted.  Irreplaceability is at rock bottom.

 

p 207 – irreplaceability

• Part of what makes us irreplaceable in the eyes of those who love us is the profile of our strengths and the unique ways in which we express them.

 

p 208 – Raising children

Building positive emotion

1. Sleeping with your baby
2. Synchrony Games
3. No and Yes
4. Praise and Punishment
5. Sibling Rivalry
6. Bedtime Nuggets
7. Making a Deal
8. New Year's Resolutions

Building Children's Strengths

• Reward all displays of any of the strengths
• Allow your child to display these burgeoning signature strengths in the course of your normal family activities.

 

p 249 – The Full Life

• The pleasant life is wrapped up in the successful pursuit of the positive feelings, supplemented by the skills of amplifying these emotions.
• The good life is a life wrapped up in successfully using your signature strengths to obtain abundant and authentic gratification.
• The meaningful life has one additional feature: using your signature strengths in the service of something larger than you are.
• To live all three lives is to lead a full life.

 

p 254 – NonZero by Robert Wright

• The secret of life is not DNA, but the nonzero sum game.  A win-loss game is an activity in which the fortunes of the winner and loser are inversely related, and a win-win game has a net result that is positive. The basic principle underlying life itself is the superior reproductive success that favors win-win games.  Biological systems are forced by Darwinian selection into more complexity and more win-win scenarios.
• It is not only biological change that has this direction, but human history itself.  The universal picture of political change over the centuries, all across the world, is from savage to barbarian to civilization.  This is a progression with an increase in win-win situations at its core.  The more positive-sum games in a culture, the more likely it is to survive and flourish.  History is checkered with one horror after another, but the broad movement of human history is in the direction of more win-win.
• We are, at this moment, living through the end of the storm before the calm.  The internet, globalization, and the absence of nuclear war are not happenstance.  They are the almost inevitable products of a species selected for more win-win scenarios.  The species stands at an inflection point after which the human future will be much happier than the human past.

 

p 256 – negative emotions help in win-loss games

• Could it be that negative emotion has evolved to help us in win-loss games?  When we are in a deadly competition, fear and anxiety are our motivators and our guides.  When we are struggling to avoid loss or to repel trespass, sadness and anger are our motivators and guides. 
• When we feel a negative emotion, it is a signal that we are in a win-loss game.  Such emotions set up an action repertoire that fights, flees, or gives up.  These emotions also activate a mindset that is analytical and narrows our focus so nothing but the problem at hand is present.

 

p 257 – positive emotions help in win-win games

• Could it be that positive emotion has evolved to motivate and guide us through win-win games?  When we are in a situation in which everyone might benefit—courting, hunting together, raising children, cooperating, planting seeds, teaching and learning—joy, good cheer, contentment, and happiness motivate us and guide our actions. 
• Positive emotions are part of a sensory system that alerts to us the presence of a potential win-win.  They also set up an action repertoire and a mindset that broadens and builds abiding intellectual and social resources.

 

p 258 – The Last Question by Isaac Asimov

• Q: "Can entropy be reversed?"
• Computer: "Not enough data for a meaningful answer."
• Repeat for trillions of years.
• A: "Let there be light," the computer responds.  And there was light

 

God has four properties in the Judeo-Christian tradition

• omnipotence
• omniscience
• goodness
• the creation of the universe

 

Seligman's reconciliation of theology and science: 

There was no such God, and there is no such God now.  But, again, in the very longest run, where is the principle of win-win headed?  Toward a God who is not supernatural, a God who ultimately acquires omnipotence, omniscience, and goodness through the natural progress of win-win.  Perhaps, just perhaps, God comes at the end.

 

Bicycle Safety in Numbers

For a city to improve bicycle safety, the prescription actually is to put even more riders on the streets. 
Adam Hinterthuer reports

Download this podcast >
More 60-Second Science >

Subscribe to 60-Second Science: RSS | iTunes

[The following is an exact transcript of this podcast.]

There's a new prescription for communities that want to make their streets safer for bike riders: just add more bikes. A team of international researchers looked at cities from Australia to Denmark to California, and found that more riders meant fewer run-ins with cars. The researchers presented their findings to a cycling safety seminar on September 5 in Sydney, Australia.

What's surprising, the researchers say, is that biker safety doesn't seem to correspond to a city's efforts to cut down on accidents. Run-ins between bikes and cars had little to do with miles of bike lanes or lower speed limits. But if the number of bike riders in a city doubled, the rate of bike-car accidents dropped by a third.

Apparently, motorists learn to share the road better when they have to deal with more bikes on their daily commute. Also, more cyclists means more drivers who also bike, which makes them better aware of fellow bikers. The researchers call it a virtuous cycle—run-ins with cars drop with more bikes on the road. And safer cycling means more people strap on a helmet and join the revolution.

—Adam Hinterthuer

another danger of biking

Teacher OK after crashing into bear on a bicycle

Wed Sep 10, 11:17 PM ET

MISSOULA, Mont. - A middle school teacher suffered some bruising and a big scratch on his back after he struck a bear while riding his bicycle to school.
Jim Litz said he was traveling about 25 mph Monday morning when he came upon a rise and spotted a black bear about 10 feet in front of him. He didn't have time to stop and T-boned the bruin.
He tumbled over the handlebars, his helmet hit the bear's back and the two went cartwheeling down the road.
The bear rolled over Litz's head, cracking his helmet, and scratched his back before scampering up a hill above the road.
Litz's wife drove by shortly after the crash and took her husband to the hospital. He hoped to be able to return to teaching science at Target Range Middle School on Friday.

AP Photo: Jim Litz, has a broken bike helmet and bruised ribs to show for the...

The Real School of Music

The boys guitar teacher from Performance Music School in Woburn quit at the beginning of the summer to help start a new music school in Burlington: The Real School of Music.
Last night we attended the open house for the Real School and it was real cool.

They gutted a two story building and rebuilt it into a music school for guitar, bass, drums, keyboards, and voice.  The walls are painted contrasting bright colors and all the fixtures are very cool, in the Apple Mac and iPod fashion.  They gave the boys Real School t-shirts that say "Work Hard. Play Hard." on the back with a silhouette of a guitarist jumping up in the air, sort of like the early iPod posters.

There is a 100 seat performance hall, a couple recording studios, a few ensemble practice rooms, and many rooms for individual lessons.  All the rooms are soundproofed, of course.  At the entry there is a comfortable waiting area with a big screen HD-TV and tables, and there are smaller common areas with comfy chairs and TVs for hanging out while the kids are in lessons.  In addition, the whole building has free wireless internet.

The school offers the instructors benefits like health insurance, so they expect to attract and keep musicians who can make instructing be a full time job (plus gigs on the side, I expect).  For the students, the benefits include not just individual lessons, but the opportunity to play in an ensemble of students with similar skill and musical interest, also known as a band.  The ensemble practice session will be "coached" by one of the instructors.  As they students progress, they will have access to the recording studios and can make CS, mp3s, whatever.  The Real School also offers lessons to people who want to learn how to run the recording equipment.  They also plan to have small concerts that are free for Real School members (aka students).

It seemed like Winchester night at the Real School.  We were there for about an hour and saw many friends.  The architect (and one of the 4 founders, who are all musicians) is Weldon Wickerham, Michael's little league baseball coach.  We saw Larry, one of the Rippers I bike with.  Larry's neighbor (Tom or Don?) is another of the founders.  Mary Kay McIntyre was there with her youngest son; her older son is Nick's friend.  In addition, Michael learned through Facebook that a couple of his friends are playing a concert/recital there on Saturday night.

Some kids were fooling around with the drum kits and guitars in the ensemble rooms.  I was amazed how good they sounded.  Will was playing the Chili Peppers' Snow on guitar, and an older teen was giving him pointers on improving his technique.  I enjoy listening to Michael and Nick and Chocolate Thunder practice, but these kids were about the same age and sounded really, really good.  Dave (the instructor) said that playing in an ensemble helps take your playing to a whole new level.

As you might have guessed, we signed the boys up; their first lessons are next Monday night.

an interview with the FatCyclist

I'm a big fan of fatcyclist.com.  I even have a couple of FatCyclist bike jerseys.  As usual, today's blog post is amusing; it's about Lance returning to pro racing.
But the best reading is hidden in this postscript from Fatty:

PS: Cycling Utah, a printed monthly magazine, interviews me in the current issue. You can download a PDF here and discover how goofy and all over the map I am when people ask me straightforward questions.

The interview starts on page 2 and covers many of the interesting posts and events from the blog, including the weight loss contest and Win Susan photo sending campaign, both of which I participated in.  It also gives insight into Eldon (aka Fatty), the Lance Armstrong Foundation, we we enjoy cycling, and what is involved in writing a blog.

get your Paul Sellew memorabilia

Paul Sellew was sitting courtside when the Celtics won the 2008 NBA Championship.  The next day the Boston Globe ran a full page photo of the players hoisting the trophy, and there was Paul in the background.  In this photo you can see Paul on the left side of the central photo.  He is wearing a blue shirt and has a big smile on his face; his head is at the same height as the top of the trophy.

For your own copy of Paul's photo, check out this Framed Print: "Sweet 17" Celtics' 2008 NBA Championship.

Invitation to view Phillip's Picasa Web Album - Minis Take The States, Boston 2008

You are invited to view Phillip's photo album: Minis Take The States, Boston 2008 Minis Take The States, Boston 2008 Boston, MA - Jun 22, 2008 by Phillip Mini USA was in Boston this weekend for Minis Take the States. We raced karts at F1 Boston on Friday night, then drove our Mini in a road rally up to Rockport Saturday morning. Saturday evening we went to UMass Boston's beautiful campus on the ocean and played games and listened to Fountains of Wayne. Sunday morning we went back to test drive lots of different Minis on an autocross course set up using cones in a parking lot. Tons of fun! View Album Play slideshow If you are having problems viewing this email, copy and paste the following into your browser: http://picasaweb.google.com/phillip.stern/MinisTakeTheStatesBoston2008 To share your photos or receive notification when your friends share photos, get your own free Picasa Web Albums account.

expensive gasoline spurs some good changes

Two articles in today's Boston Globe caught my eye.  I've excerpted the main points and then added my thoughts.
Grain of salt: I write this a day after attending the Boston Mini Rally where 300+ Mini Cooper owners got together just to drive their cars for fun.
--Phillip

exceprts from House hunting in the age of $4 gas: Analysts say commuters may move closer to work

• With gas now $4 a gallon, the software executive is no longer willing to pour $500 worth into his tank each month, an expense he attributes mainly to his 34-mile commute each way to work in Wilmington, or farther, to Logan International Airport for out-of-town meetings. He is looking to buy a home closer to his employer and the airport.
• soaring gasoline prices, which have forced many commuters to modify their driving habits. Some are making fewer trips, and others are trading in gas-guzzling sport utility vehicles for compacts or taking mass transit to work. The US Department of Transportation recently reported a record drop in the number of miles Americans drove in March, compared with March 2007, which amounted to a 4.3 percent decline.
• But if gas prices continue their inexorable rise, commuting costs will become a critical factor in where people choose to live, according to transit specialists and economists.
• The first dramatic changes would probably occur for those in isolated suburbs and exurbs: the New Hampshire resident who commutes 50 miles to Boston or the Framingham resident who drives 20 miles into Kendall Square in Cambridge.
• In a survey of its agents by real estate brokerage Coldwell Banker, 81 percent said they are seeing more interest from prospective buyers in urban living because of high gasoline prices. Fifty-four percent said access to public transportation is more important to their clients now.
• A May study by CEOs for Cities, a research organization supported by government and business, said rising gas prices would push new housing developments closer to the urban core in Boston, Seattle, and other US cities, while suburbs with few transit options will lose value.
• "The market for higher-density development in close-in neighborhoods is likely to grow stronger," the report said.
• Young families might settle for tighter quarters closer to the city instead of the larger, less expensive homes with long commutes. For suburban professionals, a more expensive condo in downtown Boston might make financial sense. And baby boomers might consider giving up the family home because higher gas prices eat into their retirement savings.

My editorializing: I would be glad to see a reversal of suburban sprawl, and a lessening of our dependence on the automobile.  I just wish this could happen without being tied to the cost of a barrel of oil.  Instead I think we should charge motorists the true costs of using the roads (via electronic tolls or gasoline taxes) rather than hiding most of the costs in income or property taxes that are the same regardless of how much you use the roads.

excerpts from Ciao car, hello Vespa: Easy on the pocketbook, Italian-made scooter makes riding smooth around the city

• Ahead, a red light glared, and bumper-to-bumper traffic stretched as far as the eye could see. Taxis honked. Drivers sighed. Nobody was happy - except the reporter on the white Vespa who slipped into the space between the lanes and nimbly passed among the cars. Pedestrians stopped to watch, and drivers' eyes gleamed with irritation and envy as the reporter made her way to the front of the line, turned right, and zipped off on her way.
• With gas prices at record highs and the weather transformed to glorious summer, many are parking their guzzlers in favor of transportation less petrol-hungry. Subway ridership is up. Bicycles are out in greater numbers. This reporter's choice was a Vespa, the sleek Italian-made scooter that seems to exemplify the phrase "Ciao bella!"
• Would one of Boston's notoriously aggressive drivers push her off the road? Would people honk when she topped out at 35 miles per hour? Would she be eaten by a monster-sized pothole? Or would the ability to cut through traffic, park virtually anywhere, and look good doing it win out?
• As vehicles circled Newbury Street searching for a spot during the lunch hour, the reporter glided up onto the sidewalk and left the Vespa in the shade of a tree.
• Cars actually let the reporter cut in front of them. Pedestrians stopped midstep and waved the scooter by.
• It seemed like perhaps all of Boston would be a happier, kinder place if more people drove this way.

My editorializing: Or maybe ride a bike?  Why is it that people give the person on the Vespa respect and admiration, but loathe and attack the bicycle rider?  The Vespa rider, cutting through the stalled traffic, is as much a scofflaw as the cyclist.  Maybe motorists feel more kindred with the Vespa because it too has a motor.

old time photos

Can you believe these photos of me as a kid?

The first photo is of Roya and me on the first day of school (probably kindergarten and 1st grade).  At least Roya's socks are supposed to show.
The boy reminds me Forrest Gump or the Beaver.  My friends at work think it looks like a Norman Rockwell painting.

The second photo includes Mom and Dad, and my grandma (on Mom's side) holding baby Tonja.

Thanks to my dad for taking and saving these photos and to Roya for moving them from slides to digital images.
I anticipate some good laughs looking at the rest of the photos when we visit Indiana in July.

Fwd: Good News, Bad News

The Good News is I don't have to get up at 3 AM to ride in the rain tomorrow.

The Bad News is I won't be doing the Boston Brevet 300K tomorrow.
Yesterday, I rear-ended an SUV that was stopped at a red light.  My bike is OK, but I have some bruises and strains.
I rode to work today, but it was slow and uncomfortable.  Not the optimal situation for a 12 to 14 hour ride.

My plan is to do the 300K route on my own sometime this summer.

Fwd: Mini Cooper Festival

The Mini Cooper Festival in Boston sounds like a lot of fun. Fri to Sun (June 20-22). $20 per person.

Fri night - F1 kart racing.
Sat morning - rally
Sat afternoon - drive your Mini on "an aggressive auto-cross course", go-karting, Mini products, live music, mtb stunt show, rock climbing,...
Sat night - "headline" band (who is still to be announced)
Sun - repeat most of the Sat afternoon activities

Alexa, your goal should be to improve your driving of the Mini so you can do the auto-cross course. Sat morning you can even sign up to test-drive one of their cars, instead of ours. :)

Fwd: Mini Cooper Festival

We have to "trick out" our Minis for the festival. Here are some ideas.
--pws

Fwd: Mini Cooper Festival

Someone asked what "an aggressive auto-cross course" meant, so I found some photos.
--pws

Re: 200K Boston Brevet to New Boston, NH

I did the 200k Boston Brevet today.  Left Hanscom at 7 AM and rode to New Boston, NH and got back to Hanscom at 2:50 PM.  That's 127 miles in 7:50 including 30 minutes spent at the check points.  I rode the first ten miles with a group of ~20 people who planned to finish in under 8 hours, but at 10 miles I hit a pot hole and got a pinch flat.  I spent the next 40 miles chasing that group to the first checkpoint.

I was told that large group disintegrated into groups of 2 to 4 people, so for most of the rest of the ride I was with two guys that are Paris-Brest-Paris veterans.  One does a different 1200k ride every year.  Turns out it was Brian Johnson from Teradyne.  He knows Jay and says hi.  The other guy was Justin who began riding a year-and-a-half ago and rode PBP last summer.

The second leg, had some big climbs.  My back got sore, but I did okay.  I guess riding with the Rippers is helping me with hills.  We had some ripping descents after all the climbing.  Topped 45 three times and could have gone faster on one hill except for traffic turning caused me to slow down on the steepest section.

After hanging out at Hanscom chatting for awhile, I rode my bike home for a total of 136 miles.  Now I have three weeks to rest up for the 300k.  We leave at 4 AM.  I'd like to be able to finish in 12 hours, but I don't know...

51 people did the ride today.  After we sat around a bit at the finish I asked how many were still on the road.  Answer: 39, so I finished in the top 10 or 12.  The first finisher, Matt, did it in 7:15, so he must have been taking it easy.  He left with the group (2 people) who planned to finish under 6 hours.

I rode with Matt during the 100k on 4/12.  He is studying at the Harvard Medical School and still has time to be a sponsored ultra rider.  Last summer he set the record for riding across Maine.  I think he said 380 miles in 20 hours, but that seems near impossible.  Anyhow, he finished first for the 100k also.  I finished 3rd.  These brevets aren't races, but it is nice to finish before the masses.

200K on May 10, 2008
map to Checkpoint 1 -    48.9 miles -   from Hanscom Field, MA   to New Boston, NH
map to Checkpoint 2 -    86.0 miles -   from New Boston, NH        to Brookline, NH
map to Checkpoint 3 -  124.7 miles -   from Brookline, NH            to Hanscom Field, MA